He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
a search helicopter?!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
