i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
