Michael Bay diarrhea
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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