I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
