Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
