If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
