hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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