The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
