get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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