i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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