you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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