I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
