they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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