I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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