that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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