i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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