I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
