I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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