you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
