Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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