just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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