At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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