Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
