oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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