"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize