She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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