just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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