Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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