I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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