just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
