I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
