I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
