I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
pray to the hookup gods
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
