she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize