I'm going to jail i love you
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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