yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
