the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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