I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
