Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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