I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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