benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
