just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
