Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
