just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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