So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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