my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i believe in u and ur pee
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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