Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
