PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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