Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize