That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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