kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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