Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
