did you get engaged???
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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