it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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