Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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