you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
