my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
