textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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