I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
