it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
