This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
