Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just high enough for therapy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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