To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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