Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When are your genitals available?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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