matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
