Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
