and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
