we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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