Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
