When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
