by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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