how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
