mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
