I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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