i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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