Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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