are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
