I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
