at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
