mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
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