You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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