Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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