fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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