some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
