we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
