Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
