When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
