I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
