My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
