a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
