i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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