Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize