hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
