but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
