remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
