Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize