it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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