Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
