After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
