The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
