Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize