C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
